"How to See Yourself As You Really Are" is an extraordinary and practical guide for internal transformation, providing the intellectual and contemplative tools necessary to gain true self-knowledge. The Dalai Lama focuses on deconstructing the root cause of much human suffering: our profound misunderstanding of the nature of the self.

The book teaches a crucial distinction between the conventional self (the practical, functioning 'you' who goes to work, makes plans, and engages with the world) and the inherently existent self (the exaggerated, fixed, and rigid identity that the ego desperately clings to and defends). It is this imagined, solid, inherently existent self that is the source of our deepest emotional problems, driving obsessive attachment, uncontrollable anger, and overwhelming self-criticism.

Using clear, step-by-step Buddhist philosophical analysis, the Dalai Lama guides the reader through meditations and reflections to realize the emptiness (lack of fixed, permanent existence) of this false self. For those in recovery, this book is an invaluable companion to the Moral Inventory (Step 4), providing a profound method for observing the mind and systematically dismantling the destructive thought patterns and fixed self-images that fuel addictive behavior. It teaches that freedom is achieved not by fixing the self, but by accurately perceiving its actual nature.

Study Guide for Recovery

This guide focuses on using the book's analytical methods to deepen inventory work, reduce ego-driven behavior, and cultivate genuine self-acceptance.

Key Themes & Concepts

• The Two Selves: Distinguishing between the functional, conventional self and the rigid, problem-causing inherently existent self (ego). Recognizing this difference helps reduce self-hatred.

• Deconstructing Attachment: Using analysis to see how grasping at external things (people, status, substances) is driven by the fear that the "fixed self" will dissolve.

• Anger and the Exaggerated Self: Understanding that anger and resentment often stem from the ego's perception that its fixed identity has been threatened or violated.

• Practical Self-Knowledge: The idea that self-knowledge is not a one-time event (like completing an inventory) but a continuous, practical, meditative analysis of the mind as it appears in the present moment.

Discussion Questions

1. Think about an action you regret. Was that action driven by your practical conventional self, or by a desperate attempt to protect and defend your rigid inherently existent self? Explain the difference.

2. The book suggests that when we feel threatened, we exaggerate the reality of the "self." When you are triggered or experiencing intense shame, what extreme labels or stories do you typically attach to yourself?

3. How can the practice of non-judgmental observation (similar to meditation) during your Moral Inventory help you see your shortcomings without immediately falling into overwhelming self-criticism or defensiveness?

4. The Dalai Lama teaches that attachment and anger are based on a misunderstanding of reality. How does your recovery process become easier when you realize your painful emotions are simply thoughts and projections, rather than solid, fixed realities?

5. What is one area of your life where you can practice simply being the functional, conventional self without needing the praise, perfection, or reassurance demanded by the ego?

Additional Resources

• Video: The Dalai Lama on The Nature of Mind: A brief talk where His Holiness discusses the difference between the gross mind (emotions) and the subtle mind (pure awareness), which relates to the two selves. (Search "Dalai Lama The Nature of Mind" on YouTube.)

• Article: Emptiness for the Recovery Community: An accessible explanation of the Buddhist concept of emptiness (sunyata) and how understanding the lack of a fixed self can liberate one from self-hatred and shame. (Search "Emptiness and Self in Recovery" on Google.)

• Resource: Jeffrey Hopkins' Work: Explore the teachings and books of the translator/editor, Jeffrey Hopkins, who is a renowned expert in Tibetan Buddhism and its application to Western psychology. (Search "Jeffrey Hopkins Mind and Emotions" on Google.)